i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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