I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
