I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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