i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
