i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
