Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
