ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
