Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize