McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
