Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
