When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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