Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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