hotel room ftw
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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