Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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