Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
