You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
