I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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