According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
whose parrot is this?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
