so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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