there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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