I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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