i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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