We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
