she smelled like a LAN party
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
