Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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