If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
