it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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