tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
