I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
