I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
They took my balls.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
