The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
