If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize