I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
