you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
