trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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