my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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