I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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