sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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