she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So squirting runs in the family.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
