Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
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