u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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