My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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