Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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