i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
