This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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