I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
