Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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