You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize