I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
