I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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