Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
