If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize