Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
