and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
