This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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