woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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