They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
