My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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