Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize