i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
