Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize