I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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