OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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