Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
