Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
