Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Porn is love you can see.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
