Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
