I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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