I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
