you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
