yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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