Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
